Mortal Kombat Advance [GBA]
When young folks gather around the campfire to tell stories of horror and woe, the usual fodder creeps up again and again: A man with a hook; a killer using the upstairs telephone. But with the new generation of youngsters growing up with video games so firmly established in society, it's only a matter of time before the words "Mortal Kombat Advance" reek terror into the hearts of pre-pubescent boys at fat camp.

The game could've been pretty good. All they did was take Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 and map it to the GBA buttons. They played with the character selection a a bit, but it's basically the same game you knew and loved on the SNES and Genesis. All the fatalities and cool moves were there. All the friendships and gay annoying things were there. So where did it go wrong? How could it go wrong? How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

For starters, you couldn't hit anything. The collision detection was so off, your kicks and punches would pass right through your opponent while he would hit you from 4 feet away. On top of that, the AI was so cheap that even on the easiest of settings you would find yourself backed into a corner under a barrage of enemy kicks and punches.

Ultimately, Midway released a game that was unplayable for $30. See those names in the credits? Find out where they live, and set them on fire. Don't worry, they're not human. Human beings could never unleash a horror like this on society.


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