TNA Final Resolution '09

---Submitted by: Politikal Agenda

Every six months or so I drink too much diet soda and enter a state of mild delirium in which I think it might be a good idea to order a TNA payperview. After each of which I firmly declare that I am done paying for what TNA passes off as wrestling! However this weekend, being of sound mind and body I turned on the TV Sunday night and ordered Final Resolution. This time its going to be different I said! This time I wont be wasting my money, Iíve been watching TNA Impact and everything seems to be coming together nicely! So it is with of Diet Pepsi Max under my arm I sit down to write this review. Letís let the action speak for itself.

TNA Tag Team Championship Match

The British Invasion © VS. The Motorcity Machine Guns

I donít find either of these teams even remotely exciting and the prospect of them facing off in a match even less so. However itís a straight forward tag match without any stipulations, and thatís such a rarity in TNA I have to give a chance. Itís my pleasure to say that these guys came through with a resounding: EEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

The action was evenly paced but a little on the slow side, none of these guys look like they connect on any of their strikes and everything else just feels like filler as they move from one perfectly rehearsed spot to the next. I wish I could tear these guys to pieces but I canít because theyíre all too bland. The Machineguns just arenít charismatic enough to pull off the glibness they try to portray in promos or the intensity they try to put in their matches. What can I say about the British Invasion? Awful. Just awful. Yeah, thatís about right. All four guys go stone faced and lose any character or feeling as soon as the action starts so itís hard to feel this match at all, but the spots are fun to watch. One star.

Winners and still champions: The British Invasion

Knockoutsí Championship Match

ODB © VS. Tara

I was actually looking forward to this match! Iím not going to say I bought the payperview for it but it factored. Iím impressed every week by the work and booking of the TNA knockouts so itís very hard for me to be soooooo disappointed in this match. Yes the work was solid, and the pacing good, the intensity was there but it was all lacking chemistry. I want to praise these two because they go for it but I know they are both capable of better. Iím going to give them 2 stars because it wasnít bad but it left a sour taste in my mouth because I wanted more.

Winner and new champion: Tara

Props to TNA for making it 2 full matches before showing a Hogan hype video.

Feast or Fired Battle Royal

I donít know how to cover this. Itís a battle royal with a bunch of dudes trying to grab one of fours briefcases. One of the briefcases has a pink slip in it and the others have title shots. So why would anyone agree to this match? Much less a bunch of guys? And why they fight so hard? Shouldnít this just be a bunch of dudes pushing and shoving to get a briefcase? I donít know, I guess this scenario just doesnít make sense to me. I would bother entering a math with a whole bunch of dudes to beat me up and even if I ďwinĒ I might get fired. Iím not going to bother rating this stuff.

Case 1: Nash gets a tag team title shot because heís too old and lazy to wrestle a singles match.

Case 2: Sheik Bashir got fired because heís not controversial enough any more.

Case 3: Samoa Joe got a world title match, duuuuuuuuuuh! Because AJ Styles is the champ and apparently heís not allowed to wrestle anyone except Joe and Daniels.

Case 4: Rod Terry got an X Division title match because the bookers are idiots.

8 Man Elimination Tag Team Match

3D, Rhyno & Jesse Neal VS. Matt Morgan, Suicide, Henandez & the Pope

This match is deceptive because it seems pretty straight forward. The truth is it has the worst stipulation of all time. See Hernandez has to fight a handicap match against all 4 members of the opposing team for five minutes before the actual match starts, and if he loses the match is over. Itís pointless, it doesnít make any sense and it serves no purposeÖ Kind of like Team 3D, these guys stopped trying as soon as they got any name recognition at all. Rhyno still works hard and Jesse Neal is too green to criticize, which is why he had no place in this match. Hernandez, Suicide and the Pope are all good hands, charismatic and athletic and good workers. Unfortunately TNA management put the weight of this match on Matt Morgan, who belongs in the same class as the British Invasion. He is a little more charismatic but what he gains in charisma he balances by being even more limited in the ring. For some reason TNA management just keeps on pushing that big stupid jerk! This match was utter trash.

Winner: the Blueprint

Tenay announces that the Last Man Standing match is next, then a preview package for Foler/Abyss and Raven/Richards plays. Tenay tries to play it off and then they play the Lashley and Steiner preview package. I just love when these morons screw up, maybe this was instant retribution for having to sit through the elimination tag.

Last Man Standing Match

Bobby Lashley VS. Big Poppa Pump

This would have been awesome if it wasnít for the stipulation. I know right, never thought Iíd say that about a Scott Steiner match. Heís like the opposite of Team 3D though. I think he realizes what a rotten reputation he built in the waning days of WCW and now heís trying to save his legacy. Heís still in great shape and working better than he has since his tag team days. On to this match, let me start by saying how interesting it is to see someone man handle Steiner. He took a ton of bumps and Lashley through him around likeÖwellÖlike Steiner usually does. They brawled up the ramp and back to the ring and just when Steiner was about to use his pipe to finish Lashely, Crystal grabbed it, threw it to Lashley who turned the tables and laid the Big Bad Booty Daddy out for the 10 count and the victory. Hereís the problem. Why must TNA stipulate every payperview and/or cram as many people as possible into it. This match would have been amazing for a singles grudge match, even a simple No DQ brawl. Last Man Standing sets the bar too high, if you want me to believe these guys are the ultimate badasses then their Last Man Standing match better be a war! It sucks when a good match is a let down because itís over hyped or the expectations are set too high. Three starsÖ for a Steiner matchÖfirst thing Iíll do when I die, roll over.

Winner: The Boss Bobby Lashley

Mick Foley & Abyss VS. Raven & Dr. Richards

Do I have to mention how much we all know that Stevie Richards is not psychiatrist or doctor of any kind? Good. On the way to the ring Mick Foley remembered that there is no talent in this match and grabbed a microphone to give the match a stipulation. So now this match is a Foleyís funhouse rules match, see not only did Mick have to hide his weaknesses behind weapons and stunts, he had to steal Ravenís gimmick because damn it, heís Mick Foley and heís the only one with original ideas. Iím so over Mick, I was a fan in the Attitude era but now heís just played out and I wish he would get over himself as well. Heís like the Larry the Cableguy of wrestling, yeah heís amusing but I know people like him, why would I pay to see that? Irregardless, at least Raven isnít wearing a dress tonight. So the match has a lot of weapons, a little blood and zero wrestling, surprise surprise but (insert grudging sigh here) the action was good. When these guys get into the hardcore stuff they donít hold back, you can tell how old Foley is or how injured Raven is or how limited Abyss is or how they used to call Stevie the next Shawn Michaels. Yes, these guys can deliver hardcore action. I almost even enjoyed it. Two stars.

Winners: Mick Foley and Abyss

3 Degrees of Pain 6 Sides of Steel

Kurt Angel VS. Desmond Wolfe

This match was worked to be a classic. It started slow in the first fall and built like a regular match to the high spot near falls. I was shocked because no one seemed to care. These two work amazing and this first fall could have main evented any non-Wrestlemania card, easily! So I was thoroughly confused when Angle kicked out of the London Bridge to zero reaction. I was further dumbfounded when the crowd sat on their hands when Wolfe kicked out of the Angelslam. Iím not one to give too much thought to the fickle reactions of wrestling crowds and I assumed the match must not come across to live fans, maybe itís too hard to see through the cage. Then in the second fall the chant of ďthis is wrestlingĒ started. Angel and Wolfe had indeed been wrestling up a storm, exchanging hold after hold with a fluid grace that still did not sacrifice their intensity. It was great work. However, when we got to the final fall and the cage spots came into play the crowd seemed back on their hands. The reacted more to some of the bigger spots and popped when Kurt won but over all they seemed underwhelmed. Iíll be honest, I was flabberghasted because I didnít think TNA was capable of having such a good match. In rhetrospect, Kurt and Desmond did not once involve the crowd. They didnít play to crowd after a near fall, or yell at the crowd when they had the upperhand. They simply wrestled their match and though it wasnít the robotic, beige performance of the British Invasion there was no energy extended to the crowd. So why would the crowd send much energy back? It is a dangerous habit for 2 such talented guys to risk, playing to the crowd is just as or more important than good, even amazing work. Iíll go so far as four stars because for what it was this match was flawless, but the performance was lacking. Iíd like to cut it to three but I wont, because one time Kurt Angle said he wanted to tap out Jesus Christ.

Disclaimer: I donít think itís cool to want to tap out Jesus or have any animosity towards Christianity, but balls that big earn Kurt some slack.

Winner: Kurt Angle

TNA World Championship Match

AJ Styles © VS. Daniels

I bought the payperview for this match. It delivered. Need I say more? Okay I will. AJ is setting a standard like a companyís champion should. He works hard and in the main event position he delivers something you donít see on the rest of the show. Daniels carries himself like a veteran and superstar. Both these guys have a passion for the business and it shows. Both these guys want to be respected and recognized and they are going after that the right way. Donít agree? Donít believe me? Watch this match and you will. Now this isnít the greatest match of all time or even the greatest match this yearÖmaybe in TNA. This match is however everything thatís great about professional wrestling. No silly stipulation. No B.S. One on one, all out, balls to the wall action, that leaves you with the kind of satisfaction you can only get when the good guy wins. Which only matters when the performers draw you in as well as the action. I wouldnít call this match a must see but Iím sure glad I saw it. It was everything it promised but nothing more. Indeed if I had to make a criticism to this match or these guys it was that it/they did not go above or beyond what was expected. Still Iím giving this match five stars.

Winner and still champion: AJ Styles

Final Thoughts

To be a TNA fan you have to be willing to suffer through all the garbage to find the few morsels of greatness. Some times thatís easier to do than others. Angel, AJ Styles, Daniels, and Beer Money to name a few deliver 9 out of 10 times. Unfortunately the bulk of the company are guys like the Motorcity Machine Guns, inconsistent at best, and Matt Morgan or the British Invasion who struggle just to be watchable. I have to mention Team 3D because Iím pretty sure sometimes those guys go out to the ring trying to ruin a match. You have to really want to be a TNA fan to make it through most of their programming because their wrestlers are not well rounded. If someone is athletic they probably arenít charismatic and is they are charismatic they arenít good wrestlerís and some of them are the British Invasion who have neither. Some times though it is worth shifting through the crap to find the jewels. Over all this payperview was decent. I donít feel like I wasted my money but Iím still not sure Iíll be purchasing their next payperview extravaganza.


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